Notes Regarding the Importance of Friendship
Posted: Saturday, August 13, 2011
by Suzi Gravenstuk
http://www.suzi-gravenstuk.blogspot.com
C.S. Lewis: “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.” (I get it, Mr. Lewis--Friendship is the icing on the cake. Friendship is like having a house or other personal space, and maybe having a car, but, additionally, having the keys to each and the ability to use them.)
Suzi Gravenstuk: “Communication is the essence of friendship. Shared humor is a delightful ingredient of friendship and a bridge for all human interaction. Friendship is both a noun and a verb. I find the verb to be of far greater interest. Regarding “Friendship” in the “to be- and to do” format give us far greater control over results.Generally, most of the time I am a happy person. “How could that be?” I have no close friends I go to lunch with. I do not do cocktails, I do not even have distant friends from the other lives I have managed to cram into this one life; no shopping buddies, no exercise buddies…
If friendship has anything to do with the act of being friendly, and both accepting and returning friendliness—I am good; in a global perspective. I very much enjoy social conventions. The types of social conventions I am referring to are:
- Eye contact with everyone within physical range.
- Acknowledgement
- A greeting to include a spoken phrase, a wave AND a smile (of sorts)
- Quick assessment (Is this person ok? Does this person need something I can provide?)
- Offer assistance when appropriate.
- Use manners.
Friendship is similar to other categorical words that encompass generalities before they are further analyzed and then placed in a more descriptive word. For example: Friendship may be subdivided to “kinship”, “Comradeship”, etc
Notes and questions:
Is love an ingredient of friendship? If so, would it be the Phileo or agapeo type?
Resource: http://www.christinyou.net/Outlines/love.pdf
*Friendship: My favorite definition of Friendship is from Brainy Quote...The state of being friends; friendly relation, or attachment, to a person, or between persons; affection arising from mutual esteem and good will; friendliness; amity; good will, kindly aid, help, assistance, harmony.
Included in several definitions of “Friendliness” is a state of being a friend. If we consider that definition, then we must also consider how we define friend.
I believe there does not have to be a long term relationship to experience and share friendship. Nor is physical proximity a requirement of friendship or being a friend.
My life has been and is enriched by spontaneous demonstrations of friendship by strangers, whom I am sure—could be defined as angels for the moment; the solution to the problem or peril at hand. Particularly coming to mind are the “rescuers”. These are the ones who take time, as if pre-planned to: pull me out of a ditch, change a blown tire, return my purse to me, return my cell phone.
My life is enriched by many people I see in passing on a regular basis. I am sure neither of us consider each other a friend-because we do not spend time together. Yet, we would miss seeing each other as a pleasant interlude in routine. (Think of your favorite store clerk, food server, the janitor or security person where you work…). I am certain each thinks the other as friendly, but not as a friend, and not as sharing friendship—so again, we are back to the broadform of civility and local convention.
Sometimes I have to be careful that I am actually answering the question asked. For example, I almost went off on a tangent regarding the importance of friends. Thinking about friendship and friends a little longer, I realized that friendship and friends are two different words for a reason.
I am a person without the kind of friend in my present that I go and do things with. However, I am well blessed with companionship, and the kindness and attention of passing friend types.
I grew up fusing roles of customers, acquaintances, co-workers. I continued to think of many customers from my mother’s restaurant long after I moved away from home. Well, let’s say 30 years and I still remember smiles,conversations, encouragement. Customers who would ask about my life and stay long enough to hear the answer. Customers I laughed with, and sometimes prayed with. If any of us should fall, it would be like a flash mob trying to be the one to help the other up. So, in this regard I view the shared experiences as friendship.
I discovered that the New York Times ran a weekend competition to: Define Friendship in December of 2010. Here is the link: http://schott.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/12/10/weekend-competition-define-friendship/ I appreciate the quotations in the body of which some were common knowledge, I also included in this article.
The Internet has influenced the concept of Friendship. Sometimes a depth of communication can be electric. However, this feeling close to those who are physically far away is not new. What is fairly new via the Internet is developing close relationships to people we have never met physically. Could this be a truer, more honest beginning than friendships formed with knowledge of appearance? Has the Internet become an "equalizer" in the realm of friendships?
Each person will have to define friendship. My definition can be so loose as to say, “If we click (not computer click--an emotional or psychological click) for any reason we are friends to a degree. Aha! Perhaps, then, there are degrees of friendship? Or, is there simply different words for different types and depths of friendship?
I used on on-line dictionary to look-up friendship. I received companionship as the definition. Actually, that satisfies me. Companionship is comfortable and familiar and can be based on any common interest, whether the interest is virtual or physical.
There can be no friendship if there is not sharing or revealing of self in some way. For the most part--I fly alone
but enjoy the flock .
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